raise your hand if you're absent

on sabbatical

2005-05-19T19:33:00.000-05:00

Dear readers,

I have not posted in quite some time, and I don't know when I'll be able to post again. My busy life has only become busier, and so I feel it's only right that I go on a short sabbatical. Please do check out some of my favorite teacher blogs, though:

firstyearteacher.blogspot.com
posthipchick.blogspot.com
mildlymelancholy.blogspot.com

I'm sure these lovely ladies will keep you entertained.

Until next time, readers...

the use of the word "gay"

2005-04-20T16:26:00.000-05:00

I've been absent. I know.

With this nice weather and my pent up energy from winter, I've been enjoying any free time I've had outside (I know, I know...what's "free time" to a teacher?). I've been working less and relaxing more. It's been great. AND I don't feel like I'm slipping too far behind with my school stuff.

Now that it's almost the end of the school year, I pretty much know what needs to get done before finals, so planning hasn't taken too long lately. Unfortunately, for the kids, I've been moving at a pretty quick pace. They've been doing a really good job with everything for the most part, though.

The only thing that's really been pissing me off lately is the use of the word "gay." My students throw the word around as insult in a variety of contexts. I've already expressed my hatred of that; they, on the other hand, could care less. I finally took the instigator out in the hall today and let him have it, explaining how I find his "gay" comments to be rude and disrespectful to both me and his classmates. I don't think any of it got through to him, though. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Off to get some grading done, some supper...then to American Idol (I'm hooked).

almost over

2005-04-10T09:32:00.000-05:00

Well, another short weekend shot to shit. This upcoming week is PSSA week, so we have half days of classes, half days of proctoring. Am v. much looking forward to summer...

The kids have been really good lately. Now that it's getting nicer outside I'm thinking of taking them outside to read. I'm not worried about my students; I'm worried about the other asshole students who like to shout things out the classroom windows to us when we're sitting in the courtyard (another teacher took his class outside and this is what happened). My question is, where are the teachers in the classrooms that the kids are shouting out the windows from?

I can't believe this year is almost over. I feel like it went by SO fast, which is good, and I also realize how much I've done with the kids. I didn't think I'd have enough material to get me to Christmas, and here I am struggling to fit everything in before June. I hope the kids learned stuff. I think they did, but then sometimes they ask the stupidest questions about some of the stuff we're working on and I'm like, where have you been the past seven months?

I'm off to enjoy my Sunday...

everything you’ve ever wanted to know about welding

2005-03-23T11:31:00.000-05:00

Today is the last day before spring break. My class is currently watching a movie – their reward for being blasted with work from me lately.

Yesterday was hell. I chaperoned a career day field trip, and was excited to see which career speakers I’d get to sit in on. There was an attorney, an FBI agent, an actress, a photographer, a psychologist – any of whom I’d enjoy. But alas, when I received my schedule for the day, I was signed up to sit in on the welder. Yes, the welder. All day. I could tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to know about welding. You name it – fabrication, underwater welding, welding exams, welding inspections – I’m all “welded out.”

Before my classes today, my kids were all lined up outside of my room, all cramming the doorway trying to get in. It was kind of nice seeing that they were excited for my class. Then I remembered that I was showing a movie, and that optimism vanished.
Oh, well. Onward to spring break!

muchly needed spring break

2005-03-20T15:35:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all who responded to my last post. I got some great suggestions from you that I'm definitely going to look into.

Well, only two real days of school this week -- Monday and Wednesday -- then we're off for spring break. On Tuesday I have to chaperone the 10th grade field trip for Career Day, which should be bundles of fun (I am being sarcastic here). At least I get out of "real" school for the day.

Am v. much looking forward to having off for spring break, however. It is MUCHLY needed.

coughing up phlegm

2005-03-13T07:49:00.000-05:00

Am sick. Am coughing, sniffling, sneezing, dizzy, congested, nauseous, and all that good stuff "sick." Felt awful in school on Friday, took medicine yesterday, and feel worse today. Don't want to go to school tomorrow but a substitute would not be able to facilitate my lesson plans, so I'm going to suck it up and go into school. I just took Robitusson (sp?), which I absolutely abhor as it makes me gag and cough and act like a three-year-old who is having a hissy fit. I seriously cannot STAND liquid cough medication. Anyone else?

So anyway, I'm still in a dilemma over my absentee system (see previous blog below). Any suggestions?

I've also decided that I'd like to have a web page next year for my students to check what they missed if they were absent. It'll also be a good place to post homework assignments, I hope. How does one get started with something like that? Could I do it on blogger, ya think?

Humor me, readers, and write back, because I'll be cooped up in my house all day coughing up phlegm.

absentees and missing papers

2005-03-09T17:46:00.000-05:00

I am in desperate need of a new system for absentees. You see, I am in a bit of a fix as well because I teach in five different rooms throughout the day. Half the day I'm in one room, which is great, but when I move around, I lose papers, I forget to bring other papers, and I'm basically an all-around disorganized mess.

I have not yet found a good system for dealing with students who are absent. I have tried putting papers aside with their names on (which was way too time-consuming, plus sometimes I'd forget), I've tried just keeping out all the papers from the week on my desk or carrying them around with me (which was a hassle and made my desk extremely cluttered), I've tried having someone in the class keep track of the absentees (but many of my students are incapable of this), so I need HELP! Fellow teachers, what do you do? What works, what doesn't, and what do you suggest?

a place for everything

2005-02-21T15:35:00.000-05:00

Last week was another long week. I was so fed up with my 9th period class that I decided "we needed to talk." We spent the better half of Monday’s class discussing ways in which we could improve the classroom environment together and, to tell you the truth, our discussion was extremely successful. I asked them what they thought we needed to work on and how we could work on it. We came up with a new, simple set of rules and corresponding consequences. It seemed like the students were just as frustrated by the lack of structure as I was. Isn’t that weird? And all this time I thought the exact opposite.

My department chair came in to observe class on Wednesday – just to see how the kids behave and react – not an officially observation or anything, she said. Believe it or not, the kids were angels! I was shocked and surprised, but then I considered the situation. They knew the other teacher was sitting in the back of the classroom, so perhaps it was all an act. But then on Thursday, they were really good again. Who are they and what on earth did they do with my class?

Now that that’s worked out a bit, I’m struggling with another one of my classes. I feel like every time I accomplish something and feel good about the way things are, something else goes wrong. Why is that?

Anyway, this other class of mine, well, they are so lethargic and unenthusiastic about everything. They seem to have the winter blues. Maybe I’ll take in candy for them this week and bribe them. Worked for Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds, didn’t it? It’s worth a try.

As for me (aside from school), I have been feeling very disorganized lately, which stresses me out ridiculously. I DETEST being disorganized. (I feel like I’m so behind with grading papers, too, which stresses me out even more, but that’s a story for another day.) My desk/office cubicle I created here at home is almost unrecognizable. It looks like my desk threw up. Papers are spewed everywhere. There is not an inch of open space, and I can’t seem to find anything I’m looking for. The problem is, I am running out of room. This house is too small and I have too much stuff. I’d try to organize it all but I have no place to go with it all. And I’m getting better at not being a packrat; I swear all the stuff that’s here I need for something. I swear.

things can always get worse

2005-02-10T18:39:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought things were getting better with my 9th period class, things got worse. Today was HORRIFIC.

I was going over theatre terms ("going over" with on-level kids means writing the definitions on the board and having them copy them down). It wasn't rocket science, they didn't have to think, and they didn't have to even raise their hands to participate. But it was God awful. I eventually threw down my dry erase marker and said, "I'm done. That's it. You can figure out what the definitions are for the rest of the terms and we'll have a quiz early next week."

Let me break it down for you. Here are the reasons why I am furious with them:

1. They never shut up.
2. They throw things.
3. They never shut up.
4. They curse. A whole fucking lot.
5. They never shut up.
6. They can't sit still.
7. They never shut up.
8. They complain about everything.
9. They never shut up.
10. They complain about each other.
11. They never shut up.
12. They make farting noises when they enter the room.
13. They never shut up.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself that I have no classroom management skills. Alas, I do. It's just I have 30 on-level kids at the end of the day after they've all had gym and lunch and my class has become time to see all of their friends and catch up on the day's gossip and we're squeezed in a room the size of a closet. I have tried all of the classroom management tricks I know. I need help. Dear readers, please, any advice would be appreciated. I NEED HELP.

The only highlight of my day was when one of the girls in my 2nd period class recognized an adjective. I believe the conversation went as so:

Student A: Yeah, and I can't believe she said that. She treats me like I'm fucking stupid.
Student B: WATCH YOUR ADJECTIVES!

Ah, one of those "teachable moments" I've heard so much about. I was proud of her.

getting an ed-ja-ma-ca-tion

2005-02-06T11:09:00.000-05:00

Things are dragging along at school. The kids have been extremely apathetic lately, and I feel the same way. Now that we’re in the second stretch of the school year, classroom procedures are going a lot more smoothly than they did in the first half of the year, but the students have started to complain about EVERYTHING.

For example, last week I was going to assign a homework assignment in which students would have to write two paragraphs about Thoreau’s ideas of civil disobedience, discussing its relevancy to today. However, because I’m a nice teacher and realize they had vocabulary exercises due and a vocabulary quiz the next day, I decided to give them class time to write the two-paragraph assignment. Here’s a sampling of the responses I received after I explained the assignment:

Student A: Aw, two paragraphs? Can’t we just write one?
Student B: How many sentences total do we have to have?
Student C: Do we have to write about Thoreau or can we just write two paragraphs?
Student D: I don’t want to do this.
Student E: This is stupid.
Student F: Why do we have to write in English class?
Student G: Can’t we just sit here and do nothing instead?
Student H: I want to take a nap.
Student I: Did we learn about Thoreau? Who IS Thoreau?
Student J: Wait, what are we doing? I don’t get it.

And those are my college prep kids. Geez! You’d think I was making them do something extremely horrific and unheard of.

I must say, however, on a lighter note, that my on-level kids have been GOOD lately (knock on wood). I don’t know why. I think maybe they’ve finally gotten into the swing of things regarding how things work in English class. They have actually been INTERESTED in learning, and two kids who had detentions with me last week said, "English is our favorite class." Imagine that!

Oh, and I got a new student in one of my on-level classes, which I usually dread, but he’s been awesome so far. He is such a nice kid. I found out about his home life, though, and it really got me down. I hate hearing those stories. I hope I can at least provide him with a class he likes and help him enjoy school.

My 9th period class has been like a scene out of the movie Dangerous Minds lately:

Student 1: Yo, Miss, this is whack. Why we gotta be learnin’ about pronouns?
Student 2: Because you need this sh*t if you wanna go to college. You need ta have a good ed-ja-ma-cation.

I’m hoping this coming week goes smoothly.

outlines & essays

2005-01-29T08:41:00.000-05:00

School is school. Midterms ended, we started the 3rd quarter, and the kids have been pretty good lately with the exception of my 9th period class. They get rowdier and rowdier despite anything I do and I made the mistake of taking them to the Writing Lab yesterday. Half of them don't even have their persuasive essay outlines completed but they still think they are able to type up a rough draft. They are basically geniuses. And I've decided that I'm not giving them any more class time to complete their outlines because they have had MORE than enough time to do so. I know this because a few select students (who always do well) have had their outlines done for three days now and are sitting there bored out of their minds.

My other classes have been pretty good, too. We're (well, THEY'RE) learning about transcendentalism so we've been reading some Emerson and Thoreau. They don't really GET it completely yet, though. I still have some time to work with them on it, so I'm not too worried. They are just confused about how someone could love nature so much.

Anyway, I'm going away overnight so I gotta get packed and stuff. Happy Weekend!

the end of midterms

2005-01-18T20:37:00.000-05:00

Midterms week officially ends tomorrow. Blah.

I spent an hour and a half today in the cafeteria babysitting a million kids who are done with their midterms. One-third of the teachers in my school were supposed to be there to help. There were six -- that is, six people besides me. Interesting. Now, I know I'm a first-year and all, but geez...if there were more teachers there, we could have at least worked in shifts.

On a lighter and better note, the whole "dating someone at work" thing is working out well. It is. And I'm glad, because I've been way happier lately. He's had/is having a good influence on me. I am doing work less and enjoying life more. I'm realizing there's more to life than work, even though I still sometimes revert to my old ways. Hey, one step at a time...

BTW, I finally got a CD player installed in my Jeep. Finally. I know, I know, it's not a big deal, but it IS for me. I am slowly advancing in terms of the technology in my life. First a new cell phone, now a CD player. What next?!

Also BTW, I enjoyed my CD player so much this morning as I belted out some Kelly Clarkson tunes on the way to school. Talk about stress relief.

in the midst of midterms

2005-01-13T07:26:00.000-05:00

And so it begins.

Midterms officially began yesterday, but it's today that I'm most worried about. My 2nd period class pissed me off BIG TIME during class yesterday, so I stopped reviewing with them. Should be interesting to see how many of them take this midterm seriously.

I'm almost done grading my 1st period's exams. No one has failed yet, so that's always a good sign. In fact, all the grades so far have been above a 75%. That makes me feel like the kids actually learned something. At first, I contemplated whether or not the midterm was too easy, but I know my class today won't do as well as my 1st period class. I'm not saying they're stupid; I'm saying that I know most of them won't study.

Yesterday I gave out three detentions in my 2nd period class, and I hardly ever give out detentions. I scheduled three boys for a Tuesday after school detention, and here were their reactions:

Boy #1: Aw, Miss, a Tuesday? Could I reschedule for a Thursday?

To which I replied....

Me: This isn't the doctor's office. You can't reschedule your appointment.

Boy #2: Aw, Miss, I got sports practice after school on Tuesdays.

To which I replied...

Me: Maybe you should of thought of that then BEFORE you chose not to follow directions. Should you tell the good news to your coach or should I?

God, sometimes I'm such a bitch to the kids. It's a great stress-reliever.

Off to give a midterm. Peace out, yo.

a matter of ethics

2005-01-09T11:08:00.000-05:00

This week at school wasn’t so bad. My kids, for the most part, were pretty good. I think they needed winter break to rejuvenate. I’m sure by next week they’ll be back to their old selves.

Midterm exams start on Wednesday, which is a nice break for teachers, although they also mean a shitload of grading. I’m convinced that English teachers have it the worst, too, because all of my students (yes, all 150 of them) have to write a three-paragraph essay response. That should be great fun to grade.

I took my own midterm the other day, just for fun. Just kidding. I did take it, but not for fun. I took it to check for typos, misprints, and content errors. I think it’s kind of hard, though. I don’t know if I should revise it, or just revise a few questions, or just make sure I go over some of the information again during our midterm review, or what. What do you think?

At least the upcoming midterm exams gave me a free weekend from doing real work for school.

I’m sort of in another predicament, too. My college prep kids just turned in their persuasive essays and about 50% of them are plagiarized, so I have to run all of their papers through this computer program we have that checks for plagiarism. What do I do when I can confirm they’re plagiarized, since this is really the first offense this year by some of my students, and others probably didn’t even realize they did it?

Teaching is more a matter of ethics than I thought...

flashback 2004

2004-12-27T11:00:00.000-05:00

Doesn’t it seem like the anticipation of the holidays is so much better sometimes than the holidays themselves?

Christmas came and went so fast. And I’m still stuck at the kids’ table. I’ve come to realize that I’m never leaving the kids table because now we’re all growing up and getting older together and there’s no room at the adults’ table for us. But I’ve also come to realize that the kids’ table isn’t so bad. In fact, it’s a lot better than sitting at the adults’ table where all you hear is whining and complaining about old age and backaches. Worst of all, they (the "adults," that is) tell the stupidest jokes ever. It’s no fun listening to your mom tell dirty jokes. I feel extremely uncomfortable when my mom says the technical names of genitalia parts.

Anyway, this year has been a huge milestone in my life. I student taught some great kids, I had a great second semester of my senior year of college, I spent some QT (quality time) with the best roommates ever, I graduated college, enjoyed summer, got a job, and met some exceptional people. I’ve learned a lot about myself this year. To say the least, I grew up.

Top Ten Highlights of 2004 (in reverse chronological order for your reading pleasure)

10. Student teaching
9. Spring break in the Bahamas
8. St. Patrick’s Day
7. Senior Week
6. My 22nd birthday
5. College Graduation
4. Got a job
3. Enjoyed my last "real" summer off
2. Met someone special
1. Finished my first semester of teaching and am still alive

Here’s to another year of love, laughter, and growing up.

is it christmas yet?

2004-12-22T13:29:00.000-05:00

My kids are all wound up and going nuts. They are so ready for break. But then again, so am I.

Their persuasive essays are due before they leave on break. So many of my students haven't even started their rough drafts yet, which were due on Monday. Others, I'm sure, are plagiarizing as we speak. And I'm in for a jolly good time grading 70 persuasive essays over the Christmas holiday. Merry Christmas to me.

On a lighter note, I got a present from one of my students today. She gave me candy and a vanilla candle. It was the cutest thing ever. She even wrapped it.

Back on a heavier note, I'm getting a bit nervous about how I'm going to make it through the next semester. I feel very overwhelmed and stressed about all the things I need to teach the kids and I don't know how I'm going to do it.

On top of my stress pile, my 9th period kids have been as bad as ever lately. I'm not kidding when I say that that class is literally HELL ON EARTH. I absolutely dread class with them everyday and I'm in a bad mood afterwards. The kids are good kids individually, but together the class turns into utter chaos. They don't shut up. Any of them. I've tried, like, a million things I've learned in my ed. classes in college and nothing seems to be working. I really don't know how I'm going to make it another semester with them. Any suggestions?

Am looking greatly forward to the holidays and time away from some of these kids.

holiday craziness

2004-12-15T18:35:00.000-05:00

Am going absolutely crazy with the kids, my Christmas shopping, my family, and anything else you can think of. Promise to blog over the holiday...

why teachers are tired

2004-12-04T13:12:00.000-05:00

Am exhausted. Utterly exhausted. Have no energy to blog.

However, was reading other blogs, and came across an entry I just HAD to share with you all from post hip chick's blog. What she says is "oh so true." See for yourself:

in my blog that got eaten the other day, i was marveling and bemoaning how exhausted i am after a day at work, and noting that i just couldn't figure it- i have been working almost every day for the last 14 years. how could being a teacher really be THAT much more exhausting? and then i realized that being a teacher means also being the following: the HVAC repairperson, the IT professional, the nurse, the counselor, the psychiatrist, the test proctor, the editor, the writer, the reader, the video production crew, the photographer, the poet, the artist, the CEO, the accountant, the bank, the dry cleaner, the tampon machine, the interior decorator, the middle-manager, the janitor, the mediator, the detective, the mother, the father, the sister, the brother, the career consultant, the construction worker, the secretary, the software expert, the office supply store, the spca, the student, the teacher.

golf balls

2004-11-27T09:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Belated Thanksgiving, Readers.

Of all days to lose your appetite, I lost mine on Thanksgiving. Why, you ask? Well, I got a case of swollen glands. Yep, that’s right. I have glands the size of golf balls – a viral infection – and I’ve been sick for the past two days. Headache, stomachache, no appetite, pains throughout my neck. Mmmmm…attractive, inviting, right?

I went to the doctor yesterday against my will (i.e., my mom made me). Now, I like my doctor, I really do, but I can’t seem to get over the fact that he looks like he’s 12. It’s a bit uncomfortable being in that small room alone with him. I try not to let it bother me so I don’t ever look him in the eye. He probably thinks I have some kind of eye twitching problem because I avoid eye contact at all costs.

Anyway, here’s how the conversation went:

Dr. A: So, your glands are swollen?
Me: Yup (avoiding eye contact).
Dr. A: Let me feel them.
Me: (looking at the poster of the digestive system on the wall, trying not to think about the fact that a 12-year-old is fondling my neck…)
Dr. A: Oh, yes, you’re right. They’re bigger than the size of golf balls.
Me: I told you.
Dr. A: See, you should have my job.
Me: Why? Because I’m old enough to? (This was merely said in my head, where I do most of my commenting).
Dr. A: Can I ask you something?
Me: You just did, but sure (God, I’m a smartass. I love it.)
Dr. A: Do you smoke?
Me: Um, well, er…sometimes.
Dr. A: Are you around secondhand smoke a lot?
Me: Uh, yeah, kinda.
Dr. A: That is NOT good. That will only irritate your glands more. Gotta stop that.
Me: Oh, okay, no problem. The next time I go out to a restaurant and people are smoking around me I’ll just say, "Excuse me, kind sir, but would you be so kind as to stop smoking? Doctor’s orders. My glands are highly sensitive." (Again, this was all said in my head.)
Dr. A: Well, I’m going to put you on amoxicillan. Should bring the swelling down and get rid of the infection.

Should?!

I’ll keep you posted, Readers.

did they learn nothing?

2004-11-22T19:06:00.000-05:00

Today I learned that my students have learned absolutely NOTHING over the past month about Early American Literature or the authors that wrote the literature.

We played a jeopardy-style review game in class and my favorite part of the game was when the kids asked random questions that proved they didn't learn a thing. They couldn't even handle the $100-level questions.

Me: Who is considered the "father of American poetry"?

(Keep in mind that we have only studied ONE poet in this entire unit.)

Student: Um, a poet?
Me: Yes, now a little more specific.
Student: Um...Shakespeare?
Me: No. No, no, no.

And that was pretty much my day. 'Nuff said.

i just don't care

2004-11-19T13:29:00.000-05:00

Dear faithful readers,

Please don't hate me. Forgive me for not blogging in what seems like ages. I'm not a bad person, I swear (although my students may disagree with me about that).

Today was deemed "Career Awareness Day" at my school. Needless to say, I didn't take it that seriously. I booked the Writing Lab for all of my classes except one because another teacher already took that time slot. That one class will be the death of me. I'm sure of it. Here's why:

We talked about college and the job search and all that good stuff and then I opened it up for questions. Bad decision.

"Yo, Miss, did you party a lot in college?"
"Did you do pot? It's okay, you can tell us. WE do it."
"Did you ever get in trouble for underage drinking?"
"What are college parties like?"

Thank God it's Friday, because I just don't care anymore.

the armpit of america

2004-11-06T13:49:00.000-05:00

On Fridays, my kids always ask me if I'm going "clubbing" over the weekend, as if I'm some sort of raging alcoholic woman who likes to get her groove thang on.

Yesterday I actually said yes.

I'm off to the armpit of America this weekend, New Jersey. Then I plan on "partying it up" at the Culture Club in New York City, an 80's dance club. Should be a good time. College roommates and I are celebrating roommate K's 22nd birthday.

Therefore, no major post from me this weekend. Sorry, folks, but you'll have to wait until next week sometime. Am trying my best to have a life here.

end of marking period 1

2004-11-02T18:36:00.000-05:00

The kids have been driving me crazy. I’m convinced they are all seriously "physcho," as teacher roommate L’s students say (yes, you read that right: P-H-Y-S-C-H-O).

It all started last week…

Last Tuesday, I received an invitation from Eminem for his album launch party at the Roseland Ballroom in New York City that coming Thursday night (okay, it wasn’t exactly from Eminem personally, but still). Anyway, in order for me to arrive on time (or at least fashionably late), I had to cut out of school early. Fellow English teacher R said he’d be happy to cover my 9th period class.

Big mistake.

31 loud and crazy students + English teacher R = COMPLETE AND UTTER CHAOS

Needless to say, I didn’t exactly get the best report about my students upon my return. I was pissed. So I made them write an essay on what the word "respect" means to them. And I made the essay worth 50 points.

(I did that because I CAN. And it felt good.)

Then I gave a long lecture to them and took away their bathroom and locker privileges for a week.

(That was also done because I CAN. It also felt good.)

I spent all day today in the Writing Lab with all of my classes. On days like today, I wish I would have recorded myself during 1st period and just played the tape over for my other classes. I felt like a broken record at the end of the day. Not that that’s any different than usual.

We teachers have to have all of our grades in for the first marking period by the end of the week, so I’ve been scrambling to finish up all of my "stuff to be graded" that I’ve put aside for quite some time now.

God, I absolutely detest grading. It’s so laborious. First you have to actually take the time to read every kid’s answers to every question on whatever it is they handed in. Then, after you grade the individual papers, you have to enter the grades in your gradebook by hand. Then you have to enter all the grades in the computer gradebook. Then you have to figure out who was absent when and who needs to make up work before their parents call you to ask what their son/daughter’s grade is. It basically sucks ass.

Anyway…

The highlight of my day came from one of my 15-year-old male students: "Miss, Jesse scored the winning touchdown in the football game we played the other night and he wants a date with you. He didn’t want to ask you, though, so he is making me do it for him."

Ha. Kids today.

i wonder

2004-10-24T12:45:00.000-05:00

Am currently listening to highlights from my Phantom of the Opera CD and procrastinating. How much do I NOT feel like lesson planning? Lots.

Sometimes I wish I were a Broadway star. No, really, I do. I mean, I know it’s hard work, but I bet the people who do it absolutely LOVE it. Not that I don’t like teaching. I do. But I often wonder about what other peoples’ lifestyles are like.

I’m one of those "people watching" people. I could sit in an airport or mall for hours just watching the people pass by. I gaze at the various passerbys and imagine what their lives are like. Is that woman single? Is she on her way home to cook herself dinner and pop in a movie, only to do the same the next day? Is that little old man taking that bouquet of flowers home to his wife of 40 years? Does that young teenager feel alone in the world, or is he overly confident in his skin? It’s funny, if you think about it. You know, about how people live.

And here I am sitting in front of my computer, thinking these random thoughts and also of everything else I have to get done today.

What is the rest of the world doing?

just shut up

2004-10-18T15:22:00.000-05:00

"Just shut up."

That's what was running through my head throughout ALL of 9th period. The kids would not zip their lips today, which is unusual for a Monday. Usually they're braindead from not sleeping at all over the weekend.

So I've started this new system where I count when they talk and then that's how many seconds I keep them after the bell. It works for about 0.3 seconds and then the talking erupts again.

Aside from the little bastards not shutting up for 42 minutes, I also was given ANOTHER new student in my 9th period class. The guidance department does not seem to get the hint. Let me make this easy for them: I ALREADY HAVE 30 ON-LEVEL STUDENTS, I'VE ALREADY MOVED IN THREE MORE DESKS AND A TABLE, I HAVE NO MORE ROOM IN MY STUPID LITTLE CLASSROOM FOR ANY MORE, AND I CAN'T GET THE KIDS TO SHUT UP AND LISTEN NOW SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ANOTHER ONE?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'll admit that I did feel awful sending the new student back down to the guidance office; nevertheless, I had no place for him to sit unless he wanted to sit at my desk in the front of the room and have all the other kids stare at him for 42 minutes. It would have been oddly similar to a fish in an aquarium, and I didn't want to subject him to that.

I definitely felt the after effects of my decision, though. Guidance Lady sent me hate mail. One of the principals sent me hate mail. They all want me to add this kid to my class because apparently he NEEDS and ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE 9th period English. Well, if they give me a bigger room and a megaphone, maybe, just maybe, I might be able to do it.

On top of all this, I totally didn't know it was teacher roommate L's birthday today. I found out during 7th period. I felt like a total ass.

What a way to start off the week.

office gossip

2004-10-11T19:27:00.000-05:00

Dear Lord in heaven,

It’s me…Teacher Lady. Please help! I’m the subject of office gossip. What is a girl to do?

Sincerely,
TL

Dear readers,

Word travels fast at my school. I speak to a male teacher during happy hour and suddenly we’re married with 2.5 kids. Geez. My co-workers/fellow teachers really must not have lives of their own if they are more concerned with mine.

(A follow-up to this post is forthcoming with more details.)

And by the way, is it really like this everywhere?

an overworked week

2004-10-10T10:54:00.000-05:00

It’s been a hard week, and I have a harder one coming. I feel as though I’ve lost contact with all my close college friends (the roommate gang). I haven’t had any time for phone calls, e-mails, letters, or the like. I haven’t had time for my co-workers. I haven’t even had time for my family. I definitely haven’t had time for myself.

After smoking almost half a pack of cigarettes last night, I started to realize just how much I’ve been out of touch with the world. I sat alone watching a rerun of "The Apprentice" while I graded three classes’ worth of vocabulary quizzes. If that’s not your idea of a fun Saturday night, well, I don’t know what is.

The thing is, I’ve been so consumed with all the work I have to do for school that I don’t know how to stop and relax and take some much-needed "me" time.

Any suggestions?

a savior in disguise

2004-10-07T19:49:00.000-05:00

My classes went well today. Study hall, not so much. But it will get better thanks to fellow new English teacher B. He rocks. He is seriously my savior.

Tomorrow will be better, I hope. It's Friday, after all, which means happy hour with the teachers. That's reason enough to wake up in the morning.

office dating

2004-10-03T10:49:00.000-05:00

Dear readers, I need your help.

What is your opinion of office dating? Not that I am or anything. I was just wondering. Please enlighten me with your thoughts on this matter. I will be checking for a thesis statement and fully developed supporting examples.

(Just kidding about that last part. See, I told you. This English teacher thing is really taking over my life.)

catastrophic events

2004-09-30T19:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, seriously, I’ve gotten to the point where I already immensely dislike our guidance department. I know, I know, I’m a new teacher and I’ve only been in school for a month and blah blah blah blah blah. Still, I despise them. I do. And with good reason.

So today I’m in the middle of teaching my 9th period class and one of my students from my 2nd period class strolls into the classroom without knocking, interrupts my lesson, and demands I sign her drop/add slip:

Student: Miss, I need you to sign this.
Me: Number one, we knock before we enter someone’s room in this school.
Student: Okay, well I need you to sign this.
Me: Why?
Student: I’m moving from your 2nd period class to this class.
Me: This class?!
Student: Yeah.
Me: 9th period?
Student: Yeah.
Me: I have no extra chairs or desks in this room during this period.
Student: Okay, so….?
Me: Well, do me a favor. Go back down to the guidance office and tell them that if they want to give me a bigger classroom with more desks and chairs, I’ll gladly take it, but until then, I can’t have anyone else in this class. I’m sorry to have to refuse you from joining this class, but I honestly have no room whatsoever.
Student: You really want me to tell them that?
Me: Yes.
Student: Okay. But if I get in trouble…
Me: Then I’ll handle it.
Student: Okay. Wish me luck.

So I did.

And I don’t...have any room, that is. Every stinkin’ chair in the room is taken, even my teacher friend L. who shares the room with me. Plus, I already have like 30 on-level students in that class. It is one of my most challenging classes. I can’t imagine adding any more to the mix.
My dilemma did not stop there, though, dear reader. Oh no. It simply worsened.

So I have to enter grades in for my kids since I fall behind on that constantly (you know, when I’m trying to have a life), and when I open up the file for my 9th period class, I see that guidance has decided to add not only one more student to my class but THREE. Yes, three. I’m sorry, do I have the words "First Year Teacher" written on my forehead? Wait a minute…

On top of all this, I had to deal with a catastrophic event earlier in the day. I’m in the middle of instructing my 5th period college preppers (who I absolutely love, by the way), and guess who walks in – none other than the head principal! I seriously thought for a minute that I threw up a little in my mouth; that’s how nervous I was. I must have looked like a deer in headlights to my students.

It’s funny how we sometimes wonder how other people perceive us in certain situations. I often (okay, all the time) wish I had a camera crew following me around. My life is FUN-NY. I would love to see me as the outside world does.

I can’t imagine what a fool I make out of myself.

excuses, excuses

2004-09-26T12:16:00.000-05:00

In-school suspension is a funny thing. It is. I think the kids think so, too.

"Anybody see John today?" I ask.
"He got in-school, Miss," a student in the back row calls out.
"For what?" I ask, nosy as usual.
"He said ‘F-you’ to a teacher."
"Oh."

This is how many of my classes begin each day. Ah, the little darlings…

Aside from my classroom, I hear many similar conversations between students in the halls:

"Yo, G, you seen Julio today?"
"He’s in in-school."
"Oh. Cool."

Now, in my opinion, in-school suspension isn’t what it should be. It’s better than regular school for the kids, so they don’t mind going. Most of the teachers that supervise the ISS students let them sleep, anyway. I’ve been told that first-hand by one of the supervising teachers. But I’m a bad teacher, too, because I’m supposed to send work down to my students and I never do (perhaps because I’m usually doing 125,841,437 other things).

I tell ya, the things that can hold a teacher up from doing what she needs to do. It’s quite unbelievable how many detentions that my students deserve and never receive, usually because I am getting worksheets for students who were absent earlier in the week or filling out slips to go to the nurse or the office. Many times I refuse students when they ask to use the bathroom, too, because I cannot find my hall pass.

I did play the role of good teacher this week, however, when I made some parent phone calls. Boy oh boy, do parents like to talk. I think I used every excuse in the book to get off the phone with them:

"I’m so sorry to cut you off, but I actually am off to a meeting right now…"
"I hate to do this, but I really have to get going because I have a student coming in to make up a test…"
"Well, I have to run to catch the principal before he leaves for the day…"

Anyway, this coming week is going to be one of my busiest. I gotta get through the rest of this boring colonial/revolutionary writers shit with my college prep classes and gotta get my other kids to write some more. I always tell them, "Writing is like exercise. You have to do it a lot if you want to see results." I don’t know if they are listening to me or not, though. Sometimes I think the boys in my classes are undressing the girls sitting next to them with their eyes.

These weekends are getting shorter and shorter, I swear.

under the weather

2004-09-22T19:35:00.000-05:00

Am feeling a bit under the weather. Have somehow caught a cold from one of my damn students. This is one of the sucky parts of my job.

Will hopefully write more this weekend when I'm feeling a little more up to it.

Nevertheless, I will persevere and continue on my quest to educate the minds of the world's youth. Onward!

grateful indeed

2004-09-18T18:48:00.000-05:00

Having put in my first full week of school, I can now say I love my job. I really do. I love the people I work with, I love the kids I work with, and I love the actual knowledge I strive to instill in the students.

Now, I’ve come to this realization just recently. You see, I sort of had a bad end to my week. It’s forced me to put this whole teaching thing into perspective. Allow me to explain.

WEDNESDAY: I’m proctoring the dreaded freshmen study hall in the cafeteria, walking around, saying my usual "Get your feet off the table" and "Put those soda bottles away" lines. (Frankly, I’m a bitch in study hall. I am. But you have to be. Really, you do.) So I walk by this table of approximately 15 freshmen boys only to hear one of the little squirts yell out, "Fuck that shit. That fucking sucks." Without a second to spare and almost as if by instinct, I turn around and yell, "Watch your language! If I hear it again it’s an automatic detention." (Why an automatic detention is different than a regular detention is beyond me. I guess it sounds a little more intimidating in my opinion.)

Anyway, so I continue walking and, as I turn around, see this same freshman throw his soda bottle at another freshman. "That’s it. Let’s go," I yell, and escort the child to an empty table in the front of the cafeteria.

"You might as well not even waste the ink in your pen ‘cuz I’m not gonna show up for your detention," he tells me.

"Then it will be a referral and you can have your detention with the principal," I reply.

At that moment, one of his fellow conspirators walks by and asks him if he is in trouble.

"Teachers are gay," he says to his friend.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

He looks me in the eye. "You heard me. Teachers are gay."

After writing him up, I instructed him to stay at the front table by himself for the rest of the period.

THURSDAY: Hoping he’d learned his lesson, I entered study hall to find him sitting at his usual table. To my dismay, no lesson was learned. The group of boys were misbehaving so I set out again on a mission to reprimand.

As I approached the table, I was greeted by the boys shouting slang terms of female genitalia parts at me (I won’t say what they were; you can probably take a wild guess). Apparently they were mad that I wrote up their friend yesterday.

Because they all refused to give me and the other study hall proctors their names, I went and got one of the security guards. When I explained the situation to him, he said, "Well, I don’t know what you want me to do about it. Write them up." This was unacceptable. I needed help, and help was nowhere to be found.

I finally was able to track down one of the grade-level principals. She came in with an entourage of security. I don’t know exactly what happened at this point since I had to leave and teach my last class of the day.

FRIDAY: I come to find out that one of the boys from the sexually harassing table confessed to the principal that his friends were yelling such terms at me but that he was not a part of it. Now, I don’t know if he was one of the boys who contributed to the name-calling and was trying to get out of it or if he was a good seed in a bad apple who really was trying to help me out. Either way, I was thankful for what he did.

When I shared this story with my fellow department members, they were all willing to help at the blink of an eye. Everyone has been so supportive and I can honestly say that I work with the best people in the world.

I thanked them with drinks at happy hour, and they were grateful indeed.

i don't "do" change

2004-09-12T16:54:00.000-05:00

Last night my mom and I went to take advantage of the "Friends & Family" discount at Bon-Ton for two reasons:

1. we are a mother-daughter tag team who love sales
2. I needed new bedsheets as my current ones are falling apart as we speak.

Lucky for me, Bon-Ton had 300 thread count bedsheets on sale.

Now, as you may have guessed, I am extremely picky about my bedsheets, and with good reason. You see, I figure if one has to sleep on them every night, one should LOVE one’s bedsheets (unless, of course, one gets lucky…which hasn’t happened to me in three months…but then again, who’s counting?).

Anyway, it’s a logical theory if I do say so myself.

Of course all the good colors were gone by the time we finally got there. All that was left were colors I like to refer to as "I-just-vomited green," "I-am-the-color-of-rust orange," and "I-look-like-coal-from-an-old-fire gray."

I love the sheets I have now. I’ve taken care of them so well and even feel like we’ve formed a bit of a kinship. I mean, I’ve had them for six years! (I told you I took care of them.) So I was on a mission to get the EXACT same color sheets I already have: mauve. I like mauve. Mauve likes me. Mauve offsets my bedspread perfectly. Mauve is welcoming, comforting, and soothing.

They were out of mauve.

Pissed, I furiously searched through the remaining stacks of sheets only to find one set that I didn’t completely detest. They were beige.

"Those beige ones will match perfectly with your bedspread," says my mother.
"MOM! They don’t match my bedspread at all," I yell, startling some nearby shoppers.
"Honey, your bedspread is mostly beige," she says.
"You don’t understand. My mauve sheets are perfect because they OFFSET the beige and now I have to buy these stupid beige sheets that will just blend in and look bland and every time I crawl into bed at night I’m going to have to look at them and all they are going to remind me of is how much I miss my mauve sheets," I say.
"You think about things too much," says mommy dearest.
"I’m sorry, I just don’t do well with change," I whine.
"Obviously," she says.

And that was the end of that.

So, dear reader, you are probably wondering if I bought the beige sheets or not. Well, I caved in and made myself purchase them after debating in my head for an hour over whether or not to get them. I decided that I’ll just have to get used to them.

I think this may be why I’m having trouble adjusting to this mother of a job I just began. I can’t even handle changing my sheets; how am I to handle this changing of my lifestyle?

This story is a microcosm of my life.

teachers are human, too

2004-09-09T19:33:00.000-05:00

One of the other (many) blogs I read on a regular basis is written by a teacher in her second year. She must have been reading my mind when she blogged today:

"What I wouldn't give to be a perfect teacher.

It is so hard to stay on top of everything. I spent all day with this overwhelming feeling that I was forgetting a lot of things. And I was. But I do every day. It is impossible to remember all of the little details that seem so trivial at the moment but then blow up later at you. Like a kid saying, "Look, Ms. R! See my journal? Mark it down! I did it!" and me saying, "Wha? Oh, right. Alright. Wait! What?" And then later the progress report comes out and I didn't mark it down and he has a C and he is crying saying, "Remember when I showed you that journal? Remember? You said okay!"

Progress reports came out today and I had eight or nine of these "Remember I turned that in?" stories. No, I don't remember. Yes, sometimes I say okay just to get you out of my face. No, I don't really care that your parents are going to be angry. Yes, I do think that even if I forgot that one assignment you really don't deserve a B. Please kindly shut up and take your C."

She pretty much hit the nail on the head.

I think students sometimes forget that we teachers are human, too. We don't have supernatural powers despite our ability to multi-task. We don't stay up until all hours of the night researching our field of study. We don't go on educational vacations or the like. We often arrive places late. We sometimes forget our pencils, too.

We might not always be able to move mountains but we can move rocks and, sure enough, we do.

At least we try to. We're only human.

ask me again

2004-09-06T19:58:00.000-05:00

Ugh, looooooong weekend of schoolwork. I really need to get out more. This teaching gig is really getting into the way of my social life.

Planned some stuff to do with the kiddies this week. I hate when I have to teach stuff I don't like -- you know, stuff the state requires. It sucks. I tell the kids that sometimes, too. Subtly, of course:

"Alright, guys, we have to learn about the Puritans a little before we read these colonial period Puritan poems because the people who work for the Pennsylvania Department of Education say so. I'll give you the abridged version. The Puritans were pretty much whack. They weren't always whack, though. To us they seem whack, of course, but we still have to read about them."

Ah, good times for all.

The cool thing about school (aside from being the teacher) is getting to start fresh each week. The weekend is like a rejuvenation period for students and teachers alike. I like that I get to recharge for the week ahead, and I'm sure my students like it, too.

Something weird happened this morning, though. I woke up and kind of WANTED to go to work. Don't worry, the feeling didn't last long. Nevertheless, I was surprised that I was actually looking FORWARD to work. Strange.

But ask me if I feel like going to work in the middle of the week, and you may get a different answer.

the big guy upstairs

2004-09-04T08:25:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think we get a kick in the ass from the big guy upstairs to remind us all just how lucky we are. Yes, my first week of my first year of teaching is officially over. It was long, exhausting, hard, and, at the same time, wonderful.

The week began on a well, STRESSED note I suppose you could say. I was scared, nervous, and pretty much all out terrified of the kids. So on my way to school Monday morning, I cranked up the radio and belted out rap tunes at the top of my lungs in an attempt to prepare myself for the long week (er, year) ahead. Now, if you don't know me, allow me to explain. I am the whitest girl ever. I don't "rap." I sound stupid even saying "50 Cent." I am not from the ghetto, nor do I plan on living there anytime in the future. So me "rapping" is just wrong. Nevertheless, if you heard me on Monday morning, you would think I was a white L'il Kim with a vengeance.

All in all, the week went pretty well. I have students of all colors and all backgrounds, and I love it. They have so much personality. They speak their minds. And they're funny. Soooooo funny.

"Yo, Miss, how old you be?" says one of them on the second day of school.
"37," I lie (I still get carded at bars).
"Miss, no you ain't. That's whack, yo. You be playin' us."

Ah, yes. I was. And it felt good, because I CAN "play" them if I want. You know why? 'Cuz I'm the teacher. I'm in charge. I make the rules.

One part of my daily routine that I neglected to mention to you until now is my study hall duty. Now, I have seniors for homeroom, sophomores for class, yet I somehow get stuck with approximately 400 freshmen for study hall in the cafeteria. Granted, there are two other teachers there with me, but they don't do anything.

First off, our school is retarded because all of these kids' schedules got screwed up with the new scheduling system our school tried to use. So any kid who has a hole in his schedule is sent to study hall.

Kid: "Um, I don't have a class now. Am I supposed to come here?"
Me: "Yeah, we'll try to get you in to see guidance ASAP to fix that."
Kid: "It's okay if I come in here for this period then?"
Me: "Yup, come on in. Just sit wherever you can find an empty seat."

I feel like a mother bird to the freshmen baby birds. The cafeteria is my nest and I am in charge of keeping watch over the youngins. The best part is when they come up to me and ask to use the restroom, though.

Kid: Can I go to the bathroom?
Me: Sure, just sign out. Here's the pass.

Kid walks out of cafeteria. Two minutes later:

Kid: Um, where is it?

Ah, freshmen.

Anyway, by the end of the week, I was exhausted. I needed sleep desperately; I didn't want to be in school. But then something happened that reminded me why I chose this profession.

During the infamous cafeteria study hall duty, a freshman boy was sitting all by his lonesome at a big round table. Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen. He was just sitting there quietly looking around. Finally, these two girls went over and introduced themselves. I could overhear them talking:

Girl #1: Hi, I'm Krissy.
Girl #2: Hi, I'm Sarah. What's your name?
Boy: Mike.
Girl #1: Are you new?
Boy: Yeah.
Girl #2: Come sit with us over there. We'll introduce you to our friends.

And so they did.

And I tried hiding my smile, but had no luck. The big guy upstairs must have been workin' his magic.

don't hate the playa

2004-08-28T09:45:00.000-05:00

So the other day I walk into school, worried about running into Department Chair C. in the hallway, English planning room, English hallway, Writing Lab, main office, and pretty much everywhere else. Instead run into fellow English teacher K. (you may know of him as "kevster" from his comments to my posts or from his blog). Before I even get the chance to flip out about my panic attack, he begins giggling. Yes, you read that right. Giggling. A grown man. I stare at him as we walk down the long hallway to the office, wondering what the hell is wrong with him.

"What?" I ask.
The giggling intensifies.
"What?!"
"I assume you saw your blog," he says.
Ah, that's what he was giggling about.

Me: YES! Omg, I am so pissed. I don't know what happened. I don't know what to do...blah blah blah...yadda yadda yadda...
K: I wrote it.
Me: Excuse me?
K: I wrote it.

That bastard. I'm going to get him back. God, it sucks being gullible. If any of you (who have my e-mail address) have some good ideas about what I can do to get back at him, e-mail me ASAP. This will simply not be tolerated. And if this is how the year is going to be, well, it may get ugly, kids.

But don't hate the playa, hate the game.

panic!

2004-08-24T20:25:00.000-05:00

Went to the teacher store and bought fun teacher stuff to decorate home base. For those of you who have never been to a "teacher store," you are really missing out. Even if I weren't a teacher, I would totally shop at the teacher store. It's good stuff, man.

I made my mom go with me to pick stuff out. She is so not a teacher, if you know what I mean. She's looking at the multiplication toys and says, "These are so cool." I'm like, "Mom, I teach high school English. Let' s concentrate here." Then I turn around to talk to her and she's getting candy out of one of those stupid candy machines, which leaves me talking to air and looking like an asshole in the middle of the store.

What's even worse was the car ride there. She tells me to drive because I just got gas, so I appease her like the good daughter I am. BIG mistake. I think she could quite possibly be one of the worst people to ever set foot in my jeep. Allow me to share with you a sample of her kind words:

"You need to merge here, you know. Watch out for that guy up ahead; he's swerving a lot. Why are you going in the left lane? You don't need to be going any faster. Is the air on? I'm hot. No, that's too cold. Do you get the station 106.1? I like that station. What are you doing? Don't play with the radio when you're driving."

I could go on, yes, but I'll spare you. I'm nice like that. Needless to say, the car ride home was even worse...if that's even possible.

Still, I return home in a fairly good mood because I (again) have given the credit card some exercise. I turn on the computer and, lo and behold, someone posted a comment to my latest post. I am briefly elated, and then suddenly it hits me: PANIC! The comment is from my department chair! She must have come across the site from the computer I was using in the writing lab! If she read any of my previous blogs (or even today's), she must think I'm completely psychotic. Department Chair C., if you're reading this, I'll make your life easy. I AM psycho.

It's not a secret to my friends, oh no. I suspect they've always considered me a little, well, off-the-wall. I apologize in advance for neglecting to censor my thoughts and words and warn you that it probably won't stop, although I will keep you in mind everytime I write ("My department chair could be reading this...my department chair could be reading this...my department chair could be reading this..."). In all seriousness, though, this really is just a venting ground. I've said it before. It's a place for me to reflect on some of the most important things in my life and some of the dumbest. (Hey, C., at least I didn't write anything bad about you or anyone else in the department, eh? See, I really do like you guys.)

Anyway, another day o' inservice tomorrow. Better hit the sheets.

the joys of a first-year teacher

2004-08-24T11:38:00.000-05:00

Am currently in the midst of my second day of inservice. Should be cleaning my room, getting books, or planning lessons, but have decided not to. Instead would rather sit here alone in the writing lab contemplating life.

Allow me to begin by telling you about my day thus far. I arrived here at the high school at approximately 7:15am, feeling as though I needed much more coffee than I already consumed. Had a training workshop about some new plagiarism software our school purchased to, uh, prevent plagiarism. It was loads of fun. Then I lost about 100 pounds carrying books back and forth from the book room to one of my many classrooms. Speaking of classrooms, I have five of them, but none of them are actually MINE. What's even better is that my homeroom classroom is all the way on one side of the building while my first period classroom is on the other. The best part is that we have four minutes between classes. Should be tons of fun sprinting to my classes. Perhaps I'll get a pair of rollerblades like Ross did on "Friends" when he was faced with this predicament.

When I finally entered my "home base" (i.e. the classroom I have the most classes in), I was pleased to discover that years and years full of dust has collected on every windowsill, bookshelf, and filing cabinet. Now, being an obsessive-compulsive neat freak, I simply cannot have this. It will be cleaned by Thursday, I guarantee you.

Ah, the joys of being a first-year teacher.

Now I have to go to a workshop about reading strategies. One of my favorite professors from college is teaching it. I'm excited because I can, for two hours at least, pretend I'm still a college kid. And who knows? Maybe I'll even have a cold beer when I go home.

taking back sunday

2004-08-22T20:07:00.000-05:00

The sermon at church today was about "taking back sunday." And no, our pastor was not talking about the band. She was talking about the act. She spoke about how so many of us forget that we need to slow down and rest sometimes; we are a culture of workaholics who don't know how to take much-needed breaks when we muchly need them. All I have to say to that is welcome to the wonderful world of teaching.

People who aren't teachers always say things like, "You shouldn't complain about your job. You have your summers off. Your days end at 3:00pm. Teaching isn't nearly as hard as what I do." You know what I have to say to them? Fuck off. No one understands how hard teaching is until he or she tries it. And people who are teachers -- well, the good ones anyway -- work their asses off.

Speaking of church, I hate all that handshaking nonsense. My congregation seriously does that like every five minutes. And somehow I always get stuck next to the person who can't stop coughing loogies (sp.?) and sneezing snot. We even have "travelers" -- you know, people who will walk all the way from the front of the church to the complete opposite side in the back just to shake someone's hand. I mean, I know it's a sign of love for our fellow man, but I can love just as much by saying hello or giving a little wave now and again. No need for all that skin-to-skin contact.

Anyway, so far I'm enjoying this blogging thing. It's #2 on my list for stress relief (after shopping, of course). My life is way too weird and funny to keep it all to myself. Besides, I'm a writer at heart. I also tend to have strong opinions about most things, so better to write about it here than say all the things that go through my brain, right? Keeps me outta trouble, I guess.

By the way, in case anyone was wondering, today is my last official day of summer vacation (tear). It's depressing, to say the least. I just very much hope I enjoy teaching. That would help out a lot.

Tomorrow starts my first official day of inservice. I do hope there's at least one hot teacher for me to stare at. I deserve it.

the joshua tree

2004-08-21T15:53:00.000-05:00

Is it weird that I feel totally safe walking around Manhattan at five in the morning but get nervous driving through Pennsylvania when it's pouring?

Last minute decision to go to my second home last night: the big apple. Since it was L.'s birthday, we ventured into the city that never sleeps and ended up at The Joshua Tree. To make a long story short, I had a lot to drink and somehow ended up dancing with this random guy in the middle of the bar with a crowd watching me learn new dance moves (à la Julia Stiles in Save the Last Dance). When he took his shirt off and starting swinging it around, my entourage grabbed me and we ska-daddled outta there.

Returned to L.'s apartment at approximately 6:00am. It was a night with good friends, good drinks, good music, and good fun.

And I let loose, enjoying my last moments of freedom before I start this teaching gig. I suppose you could say I was very much out of my element last night. I don't know what came over me. Or perhaps that was my natural element screaming for attention since it's been pushed aside in my attempt to become more of an adult. Either way, I acted stupid last night. Good stupid, though.

Sometimes the stupidest things are what we really need.

fuck it

2004-08-20T09:35:00.000-05:00

Bad, BAD night's sleep. Had a nightmare about getting raped. Woke up shivering in a cold sweat and didn't want to open my eyes. Somehow as I slept I managed to get completely under my sheet, blanket, and comforter. You know I had to be scared if I actually moved during my sleep.

I hate nightmares. First I tried to shake it off and not think about it so I could go back to sleep, but then I couldn't not think about it, so I keep rerunning it over and over in my head. Then I really couldn't get back to sleep. Then I started running through every possible rape scenario in my head and what I'd do to get out of it. Could this dream possibly have deeper meaning? And, if so, what is it? I welcome suggestions.

Yesterday I decided to put off school preparations and use one of my last days of summer to go shopping. This shopaholic was in desperate need of stress relief. Believe me. Went to a bunch of stores with best high school friend K. She and I are pretty much complete opposites. She's blonde; I'm brunette. She's short; I'm tall. She usually wears bright colors; I usually wear black. She has a boyfriend; I hate dating. She has a brother and sister; I have no one. But I digress.

So we followed our usual shopping route of our favorite stores and I spent a lot of money that I don't yet have. Let's just say my charge card got some exercise. I really have been trying to get better with this whole shopping thing but lately I've been so overwhelmed with the beginning of the school year that I said "fuck it" and shopped my little heart out. And it felt good.

I often get to a point with many things in my life where I suddenly just don't care and say "fuck it." It's probably not a good thing, but it's something I do and I can't deny it. One can only care so much.

The highlight of our shopping trip happened at Macy's. K. and I are browsing the clearance racks as usual when a girl next to us pulls out this shirt with "Mrs. Timberlake" written on it. "Who would seriously buy this shirt and, worse than that, who would actually wear it?" I patiently waited for her to replace it on the rack and then casually strolled over and added it to my pile of waiting-to-purchase items. My inner dork smiled and patted me on the back.

Was also very excited to see that my blog is slowly gaining a fan base. Didn't think it would but glad it is. I love my readers and their dear comments.

I'm off to the armpit of America this weekend: New Jersey. Will be celebrating roommate L.'s 22nd birthday. Should be a hoot as am traveling down with roommate C. and junior year roommate R. This time I've already banned myself from having apple martinis so things won't get too wild and crazy on my end. Nevertheless, I will post about the eventful weekend upon my return.

Current mood: blah
Current music: The Beatles' "1" album
Current book: The New Teachers' Handbook
Current TV show: Trading Spouses on FOX
Current crush: Justin Timberlake

getting screwed

2004-08-18T19:35:00.000-05:00

Am v. tired and v. exhausted from a day of new teacher orientation. Talk about mentally draining. And boring. Really boring. The highlight of my day was getting my very own stapler. I wish it were red, though. Then I'd really feel like that guy in Office Space...you know who I mean: "Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler."

The worst part of the day was that I was late to orientation, though not intentionally. It wasn't my fault. I swear. Was given a paper that said orientation began promptly at 8:30am, so I left myself enough time this morning in case I ran into traffic or whatever. I even figured in enough time to stop and get coffee, which I did. I arrived at the building at exactly 8:19am, 11 minutes prior to the start of orientation, or so I thought. Well, upon entering the building, two masked men (or two school administrators...whatever) started yelling at me and telling me the orientation began a half an hour ago at 8:00am. Then a group of more new teachers came in and got yelled at. We pulled out our papers and, sure enough, they said 8:30. Damn secretaries screwed it up. Damn them. I had to then walk in late with my fresh coffee only to have everyone stare and wonder how the district could have hired such a moron. Great first impression, huh?

Then later in the day my department chair confessed that I was hired as soon as they realized I was a perfectionist. I don't know if being a perfectionist is more of a good or bad thing but, hey, I'll take it for what it's worth. See, my OCD habits are good for something: a job.

Talked to college roommate K. today on the phone. She's living it up down in sunny Florida for two weeks. Bitch.

Head is pounding and eyes feel like someone is pushing down on eyelids in a fit of rage. Not the best feeling in the world. I expect to feel like this much more during this first year of teaching, so I better get used to it now.

Or else I'm screwed.

adult-defining moments

2004-08-17T18:20:00.000-05:00

I opened my first ever checking account today. It made me feel like a real adult (you know, as opposed to a fake one). You see, I've only ever had a savings account, and now that that's pretty much shot to shit from my spring break trip, shopping sprees, and college expenses, I figured it was time to open an account for my first ever real paychecks. The worst part of the experience, aside from making me feel old, was that the bank lady was a "low talker." At first, I just thought something was wrong with my hearing. Then I kept finding myself saying, "What?" "Excuse me?" "I'm sorry?" and I realized she was one of those low talking people. So I sucked it up and tried to read her lips. (I suck at reading lips. I'm always that person that ruins secrets when people try to mouth something to me from across a room. I'm like, "WHAT? I can't understand you!" and then they smarten up and realize they can never do that with me ever again.)

I also got a haircut today. Before I tell you about it, let me explain something to you. I am very attached to my hair; it's like my security blanket, so whenever I get it cut I become very emotional. Very. I have even been known to cry on occasion. Before I got it cut today, it was quite long -- almost down to the bottom of my back. I love my long hair, but it's a royal pain in the ass and was in desperate need of an update, so I resorted to a shorter, layered cut. I only got about three or four inches off the length but added a bunch of short layers around the face. It's alright, I guess. It usually takes me a few days to get used to it. We'll see how I like it in a week.

I finally transferred the Jeep I've been driving into my name and got my own insurance policy. Another adult-defining life experience. I don't like this adult thing; it's too expensive. Or maybe I'm too expensive. Yes, that sounds about right.

Have my first day of new teacher induction tomorrow. Am a bit nervous, although I'm sure I'll be more nervous tomorrow morning.

Oh, and discovered that my rock star MTV journalist friend added me to his linked blog list. It made my day. When I figure out how to do that on my blog, he'll be the first one added.

All in all, it's been a pretty productive day for me so far. And it's not over yet.

a room of one's own (to think)

2004-08-16T23:08:00.000-05:00

"You really need to work on being more attentive," states my mother at dinner.

More attentive? More attentive? Are you kidding me?! I am VERY attentive, if I do say so myself. What exactly does she mean by that? I'm perplexed at the current moment. The only thing I know for sure is that I absolutely knew she would become the subject of one of my posts sooner than later. That's what living at home will do to you.

Am also a bit mad at myself as I have taken up smoking much more than usual lately. Cigarettes, that is. It's quite a disgusting habit of mine that I do while drinking. It needs to stop.

Additionally, have had trouble clearing my mind lately. It doesn't stop. Here is a brief sample of life inside my head:

I can't forget to fill out my benefit papers for work. Must get college diploma framed at some point. Should unpack the last of my things from college. Have no where to put anything. Have no room to think. Am thinking now, though. Must re-alphabetize CD collection as have recently added to the set. Have to soon call college roommates and ask about their lives. Should finish reading The Great Gatsby. Oooooh, really need a pedicure. And manicure. And haircut. And eyebrow waxing. Maybe I should shave my legs sometime this century now that I think about it. Absolutely must do laundry, too. Or could resort to nudity, although I think a lot of people would object. Perhaps should join a gym. Would love to get in shape. But hate working out. I mean, come on, who am I kidding?

It is like a 24-hour party inside my head.

Somebody make it stop.

lonely

2004-08-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

I never realized how lonely a blog is. I've gotten so used to e-mail and instant messenger that this blogging thing is taking me a little while to get used to. But it's good for me, I think. I mean, I suppose this is my attempt to continue something I love and don't get to do a lot of: writing. A fellow blogger said it best:

A lot of us in this nerdy little community of web writers either
wanted to be journalists or still want to. I know I went to college with that
intention, but came out with a degree in Spanish and ended up in a corporate
cell. Saying I’m a blogger may be as close as I come to saying, I’m a
writer. Maybe I do this so I don’t feel like I gave up writing entirely.
Maybe I do it to have a place to bitch about boys. Or to meet people.

More and more, I'm finding I'm lonelier, too. I miss college and I miss my roommates. I miss our half-a-double house half a block away from campus -- the place we called "home" and meant it. I miss coming home in the middle of the night from the bar or a party and talking with roommate L. before passing out on my bottom-bunk bed. I miss our morning coffee talks about the night before and about who hooked up with who and how it was. I miss decorating for the holidays. I miss our Wednesday night dinners with J. and D. I miss watching "Survivor" and gawking over Jeff Probst's hotness. I miss all four of us squeezing in our tiny bathroom at the same time. I miss coming home and sharing the news about our days together. I miss our Q & A sessions about weird female problems. I miss a lot.

Everyone keeps saying to me, "You must be so excited to start teaching soon!" The thing is, I'm not. And the worst part is they say it with so much enthusiasm it makes me want to barf. Seriously, who is excited about starting a job? Not me. I'm doing just fine enjoying my summer vacation thankyouverymuch. However, I must say, my wallet has become significantly lighter.

Significantly.

insomnia strikes

2004-08-13T12:51:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I think the teaching nightmares have ceased for the time being. Now I'm apparently an insomniac. I was up until 4am last night trying to entertain myself because I was not tired in the least. I watched Kim Basinger on Jay Leno and decided that she is kind of weird. I don't even know how to explain it. I hate when people you like as actors are weird in real life because then when I watch them act all I can think about is how strange they are.

Anyway, I finally drifted off into a light sleep closer to 4:15 and then woke up at 8am. Now, one would think that after only approximately four hours of sleep, a person would be exhausted. But no. I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for some odd reason. What is wrong with me?

Will write more later as I am off to one of my favorite stores with C. We're going to Staples and I am obsessed with office supplies. (Good thing I'm not famous because people like me would probably think I'm weird.)

everybody needs a little mental cleansing

2004-08-12T19:04:00.000-05:00

People keep telling me that my first year of teaching will be one of the hardest things I'll ever go through. Deep down inside I know they're probably right, yet I'm secretly hoping they're just saying that to freak me out. I'm probably way off, though, as usual, and will soon come to find through my own experience just how right they are.

The kids start in eighteen days. I start in four. Gotta love inservice. I can hardly contain my excitement. Back in the day when I was in a youngin' in school (approximately five years ago), I loved inservice days because I had off. And for some reason, I always pictured inservice days to be some sort of secret convention of teachers, kind of like the ones the witches held in Roald Dahl's book of the same title. I pictured parties and gossip-sharing and other secret information that only teachers were privy to. I have come to find out that my upcoming days will be loaded with workshops, training, and orientation. Not exactly what I call a party.

To make matters worse, I've been having teaching nightmares repeatedly. I suppose it's my brain's way of dealing with all of the stress I'm under. Let's just hope these nightmares subside before I actually begin teaching. The sad part is, I don't know exactly where the root of my stress is. I guess I just don't feel old enough or adult enough to be a real teacher. I have to teach kids when I still feel like a kid myself. I mean, I'm only 22 and I've been given the responsibility of teaching tenth graders (God love 'em)! And you, dear reader, have the pleasure of reading about all of my adventures...and misadventures, which I'm sure will outweigh the other. Anyway, I'm convinced that writing will be my refuge over this next year. Writing, I've decided, is good for my soul. It's like a mental cleansing, and I sure do love being clean.

Believe me -- those kids don't know what's coming to them, and when they leave, they won't know what's hit them.